I am writing this post because of something Farnoosh Brock of Prolific Living recently told me. Not only is Farnoosh an incredibly kind and gracious woman, she also seems to be in the habit of doling out poignant advice.
I hadn’t actually spoken to Farnoosh before I published the LWB 100, at which time I sent her an email to let her know that Prolific Living had been featured. She got back to me, saying that she would share the post and feature it in her mentions page. I quickly replied, thanking her for her generosity. I also mentioned that I was somewhat apprehensive about emailing people, for fear of negative feedback.
She replied with the following:
You have to decide very early on about your position, and your conviction in what you are doing … then it won’t matter much who says yes and who ignores you. The right people will find you, and find you extremely valuable.
That really struck a chord with me. Whilst I am a strong-minded person, I do often live in apprehension of how my actions will be interpreted and judged. I think this feeling is prevalent amongst most people (at least to an extent). But one of the most valuable things you should know about blogging (and in fact life) is that nothing should prevent you from being who you want to be.
I know, it sounds very deep, but Farnoosh really nailed the point home to me in that email. I spent hours and hours putting the LWB 100 together. It attracted (and continues to attract) loads of visits, which in turns sends traffic onto all of the blogs I mentioned. I have put together a valuable resource that is being shared liberally around the blogosphere. Why on earth was I worrying about reaching out to bloggers who I featured on the list? Whilst they have no responsibility to thank me for taking the initiative, neither do they have the right (in my opinion) to be irritated by me reaching out to them.
You Can’t Please Everyone
Because that was ultimately what I feared when I was sending out those emails – irritating my blogging peers. What I didn’t do was actually stop for a moment and consider the absurdity of my thinking. I had published a post that actively promoted their blog. I was emailing them to simply let them know that I had done so. I made no demands – I just politely asked them to share it, if they saw fit to do so. What kind of person would be irritated by that?
So in short – don’t be afraid to piss people off. Have faith in what you are doing. Conduct yourself in what you consider to be a fair and reasonable manner, and give little notice to the people who react negatively (because there will always be people who react negatively). What is the worst that can happen? Perhaps you might irritate an “A List” blogger. Let me put this to you – if you reach out to someone and they respond negatively, you do not need that person’s influence – regardless of how authoritative they are.
If certain people react negatively to the way you go about things, so be it. They are clearly not designed to be part of your following, or an evangelist of your blog. You will probably attract far more positive attention by plainly going about your business in the way that feels most natural, without fear of who you may rub up the wrong way.
It is fine to polarize (in fact, it can be highly beneficial to your popularity). You will never please everyone. So focus instead on pleasing those whose interests align best with yours. Be selfish in offering them, and only them, all of the value you possibly can. It is only when you stop trying to please everyone, that you really start to offer the most value.
Are You A Selfish Blogger?
Do you blog for the masses, or are you happy catering for a tight niche? Do you focus only on your key audience, or do you find yourself slipping at times? And are you ever apprehensive about reaching out to your blogging peers? Let us know in the comments section!
Creative Commons image courtesy of wonderferret
Steve Rice says
I think all of us fear judgment of our motives by others…but for me, I’ve found that the root of this fear is actually judgments that I make of myself–otherwise someone else’s unfriendly disposition or bad behavior would not impact me because I would not feel that it had anything to do with me.
Whenever I’m faced with a situation where I feel judged, I try to step back and ask, “What’s really happening here?” and “Is this really about me?” More often than not the answer to the latter is ‘no’ and the answer to the former reveals that I need not take it so personally.
As far as blogging is concerned, this is really timely because I continue every day to tighten my niche and learn more effective ways of communicating directly to the people that I need to reach.
I think you’re doing the right things, Tom. You inspire me to be better as a business person and blogger. Keep up the good work for yourself and the people who you are meant to serve will stick with you. Have a great weekend, my friend.
Tom Ewer says
Hey Steve,
Thank you for taking the time to post such a thoughtful comment.
I think you’ve really hit the nail on the head – when it comes to considering the reactions of others, it is all about our interpretation, and little about how they have actually reacted. It’s all about having faith and confidence in what you are doing.
As for the thought process you go through when you’re feeling judged, I really like that. I’m going to start doing it. Thanks! 🙂
Tom
Steve Rice says
That’s really awesome, Tom. I’m glad my little “technique” is something you can apply. That’s the key to what I want to do with my site and my skills…take the often-abstract “self-helpy” philosophies and ideas that we often know and break them down into simple, practical tools that actually make a difference in how we experience life.
If you are able to apply this little tip, I would love to hear how it affects you or changes your experience.
Natalie Webb says
Funny timing on this article, I was just working through this process last night. I tend to be a socially anxious, awkward person (which is why I am a writer, not a public speaker), so email and being able to fully form my thoughts before I speak is by far my most comfortable medium of communication.
Even so, I kind of live in fear of pissing people off in the blogosphere. I am sometimes hesitant to even mention people for fear that they will find my little ol’ blog unworthy to even be featured on (or some such drivel that runs through my head).
I’m just starting out in this blogging world, and trying to find my place. Thanks for this post. It has encouraged me to throw caution to the wind (just a little bit).
Tom Ewer says
Hey Natalie,
You sound a lot like I did when I first started out 🙂 the quicker you get over that hump, the better. Mention you damn well please – if they don’t like it, that’s their problem! But most people will like it, and some people will look to return the favor, in time.
Cheers,
Tom
Donn King says
Hi, Natalie! I just wanted to add some encouragement to Tom’s. I’m also a socially anxious person, and that’s why I’m a writer AND a speaker. People view speakers as extroverts, but many of us really are introverts–which just means we recharge by getting off to ourselves (and speaking can be hard on that aspect), and we like to form our thoughts before we speak (and speaking is really great for that aspect). Speaking is actually easier for me than going to a party or a networking event, where I have to think on my feet. When I’m the speaker, I get to plan what I want to say ahead of time. (It also helps the bit of control freak in me, something else that writers and speakers share.)
I mention it because if you have a message you want to “get out there” (and bloggers usually do), you can use speaking to help further that goal along with writing, and create a synergy not possible otherwise. I’m not equating socially anxious with introverted, but they often go together, and it’s an opportunity for speaking rather than a handicap. You go, girl!
Justin Mazza says
Good question Tom. I am in the process of really finding out who my audience is and catering to them only.
Tom Ewer says
I think it’s a constantly evolving process – it’s just a case of getting as close to the answer as possible. Thanks Justin.
Hesham says
Hey Tom,
This post makes me feel good!
It reminds me with those who I gave them a big hand when they started blogging for the very first times, today they because busy people, sometimes I feel they are selfish, and I keep correcting my feelings, they are just good as they should!
Thanks for the great reminder, life is much better when we realize the good side of things!
They say, you need to help yourself and gain power so you can help others!
Being selfish is a way to go if done correctly!
P.S. Farnoosh is an incredible person, I will never forget how she helped me one day to overcome a blogging problem!
Tom Ewer says
Hey Hesham,
Thanks for stopping by! I’m glad the post makes you feel good 🙂
As you know, you gave me a big hand (and my first traffic spike) back when I was first starting out, and I won’t ever forget that.
Cheers,
Tom
Christelle Hobby says
I can totally agree with what you’re saying. It is nerve-racking to put yourself out there. You have big hopes for all that could go right, but just as much nervousness for what could go wrong. The advice Farnoosh gave you is perfect and I appreciate you sharing it because I will certainly be trying to adapt it into my own philosophy.
Another thing to remind yourself when you enter into the blogoshpere with these concerns is that even the biggest bloggers out there are still just people. They aren’t crazy, egocentric celebrities (and if they behave like that they’re being a tad ridiculous). Get comfortable with talking to all kinds of people and you’ll see incredible growth. Thanks for another great write up.
Tom Ewer says
You’re right Christelle – it’s easy to de-humanize the “A List” bloggers, but they are just normal people. They may have less time to handle email from small time bloggers, but that doesn’t mean that you are not worthy of emailing them if you have a kind word to say or something valuable to add.
Thanks for your insights! 🙂
Tom
Noch Noch says
found this via Farnoosh’s G+
I love what you said and how you said it. It’s so true. once we do and write about what we love, those who need to will find us. I’m slowly finding that too
Good job and good luck with future endeavours
Noch Noch
Tom Ewer says
Thanks for stopping by and commenting Noch Noch! 🙂
Michelle Dale says
I really struggled with this one, I tell myself all the time that the people who don’t want to listen or don’t like what I have to say are the people I don’t need in my life. Each to their own.
Tom Ewer says
Yep – the more we believe ourselves when we tell ourselves that, the better 🙂
Justin says
LOVE this article, Tom. So completely well put and I love the insight you gained from Farnoosh…extremely articulate and to the point.
I’d add that it’s often the blog posts or podcast episodes we put out that are PAINFUL or difficult in some way that seem to be the most well-received and most helpful to our readers/listeners. Talking about our failures or bonehead moves can be a little difficult, but the shared value makes it completely worth it in the end.
Tom Ewer says
Hey Justin,
Thanks! 🙂
I agree with what you are saying – some of my most popular articles have been about mistakes, and lessons learnt the hard way.
Cheers,
Tom
Ruth Zive says
I don’t usually give a shit what people say or think in my ‘real’ life, so it’s pretty much the same standard on my blog. I’d listen to Farnoosh – she’s awesome (and she obviously made the same point much more eloquently and without the use of gratuitous profanity).
Bottom line, your blog is the LAST place to be walking on eggshells.
Tom Ewer says
If only we could all emulate your don’t give a shit attitude. Everyone would just be walking around not giving a shit, and the world would be a better place for it 🙂
Chris | Sminso says
Great read! First time here, I will be back.
If you have to watch what you say on your blog, whats the point? Although its really hard to find out exactly who your audience is! I am still going through this process, its going to take some trial and error.
Tom Ewer says
Hey Chris,
Welcome, and I’m glad to hear (or read) you will be back!
“If you have to watch what you say on your blog, whats the point?” That is one of those statements that is so obvious, and yet is easily forgettable. It is your blog, so it should be a reflection of your character. If you’re holding back on what you say, then what is indeed the point?
Thanks for the input! 🙂
Tom
Samuel says
Love your honesty here, Tom!
I did and something I currently still struggle with this myself. I always like to let them know that I talked about them and that I would like to further help him out!
Of course, they on the same level as I am.
I love this article and anytime you need any sort of help, you can bother me anytime! 😉
Tom Ewer says
Thanks Samuel, I appreciate that 🙂
Andrew says
i totally agree with you Tom it sometimes pays to be cruel, i really need to try this because i know that i am not cruel so maybe i try this out and see how it goes, as they say you need to be cruel to be kind. great post.
Tom Ewer says
I’m not sure about cruel Andrew, but if you mean being ruthless in knowing what kind of audience you want to attract and going after them, then I’m with you!
Elizabeth Barone says
Personally, I love when people reach out to me and say, “Hey, I featured you on my blog.” I might not have known otherwise, and it always puts a smile on my face that someone thought something I wrote was worth sharing. I don’t think it’s selfish at all to reach out. If anything, it’s a nice heads up, and could even lead to a friendship.
Tom Ewer says
Yep – I love it when people tell me that they’ve linked to me – no matter how small they are. It is the thought that counts. Sure, it might get a little tedious if you are getting 20 such emails a day, but I think it’s important to keep yourself grounded, no matter how big your blog gets.
Joseph Archibald says
Yes, cool stuff Tom! As some of the other folks have already commented – many of us who now work online were originally attracted to doing so because they are fairly introverted folks by nature. Me too, in fact, hence I always liked SEO (even though Google don’t always like me).
As Elizabeth Barone says though – its really cool when folks do reach out to you and tell you they’ve featured you on their blog, and its often the case that unless they do contact you in some way, you simply never find out about it, which is a shame.
Joseph
Tom Ewer says
It is very cool indeed – I love it, and appreciate anyone who takes the time to link to me and tell me about it. It is an honor.
Joseph Archibald says
Tom, I don’t know if I’ve ever told you when I’m linking to you, but I do it fairly often these days and I know you know already so I don’t suppose I need to be emailing you each time 🙂
Tom Ewer says
You don’t 🙂 I do take notice, and always appreciate it!